Potty training seems to take up a lot of parents’ attention. Yes, potty training is a big deal. No, it doesn’t have to be a months-long process. Or a battle. If you approach and help your toddler (and the potty) in the right way, it is a natural, coming-of-age step that can – really! – be enjoyable for you and for you toddler.
Potty training is not about the potty. It’s about control. Your toddler is learning to control his or her body. The reason that the bathroom becomes a battleground is because parents mistakenly think that they are in control of the situation. Let that idea simply disappear. Your toddler is now in control and accepting that will eliminate the battle.
For parents, potty training is about learning how to help and support their toddler in the fight for independence. It’s imperative that you choose to stay on the right side of the battle lines, or your toddler's self-esteem will suffer.
Okay, so how does a parent help and support his or her toddler, without engaging in a battle for control, and still get the job done?
• Wait until the time is right. You can begin to talk about the potty at an early age, even at one year, but do not put your toddler on the potty until they ask. Your toddler may be three years old before he or she is ready and that is perfectly fine. If you try to force your toddler into potty training before he or she is ready, your toddler will resist and your relationship will suffer, your toddler's self-esteem will suffer and your peace of mind will be destroyed. You will know that the time is right when your toddler shows a real interest in the potty and he or she is showing control over his or her body.
• Help and prepare your toddler by keeping on a schedule. By the age of one, your toddler should be on a regular schedule of eating, sleeping, playing and having diaper changes. These regular diapering times will prepare your toddler for a regular potty schedule in the future. This doesn’t mean that you have to maintain a rigid schedule for years, but your toddler should know that he or she has a regular, natural pattern to each day. This sets your toddler up to succeed when the time is right for potty training.
• Do not spend weeks and months see-sawing from diapers to pull-ups to underwear. This is so confusing to toddlers and it simply destroys their feelings of self-esteem. (It’s okay to use pull-ups at night for a few weeks while your toddler is working on their physical control, but do not use them during the day.)
• When your toddler is ready to use the potty regularly, simply get rid of the diapers and put your toddler in underwear. If your toddler piddles on themselves, he or she will see that it is uncomfortable and yucky and your toddler will most likely not do it again. Really. If your toddler does have an accident, DO NOT SHAME HIM: simply allow your toddler to be responsible for cleaning it up (with help) and changing himself. Allow your toddler to experience the natural consequences of wetting themselves.
• Reward your toddler for going on the potty. It infuriates me when I see parents being taught that their toddler should not be rewarded for going on the potty because it’s what they “should” do. Put yourself in your toddler’s world: your two- or three-year-old does not know that the potty is where the toddler “should” do anything. Your toddler has quite happily been pooing in his or her pants for years now – and all of a sudden you create a different expectation for them. If you want your toddler to succeed and be happy about it, reward the behavior you want to see.
By waiting until the time is right, rewarding the behavior you want to see and not shaming your toddler if he or she does get it “wrong”, you are building your toddler’s self-esteem and empowering them to succeed joyfully. No more battles. Happy child. Happy parents. It’s that simple.
Straight talk from the mom who’s been where you are and knows how to help your family: Shelly Walker is the mother of two beautiful children and the author of Awakened Power and the upcoming book Parenting Keys. Shelly is passionate about children and believes that every child deserves healthy, happy parents. Her website, www.parentingkeys.com, has great information and free tools to help parents raise successful, empowered children.
www.pottytrainingrewards.com
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